Last Thursday, me and Terence were hanging out in his place, singing, chilling out for a bit, smoking cigarettes and drinking Tequila Rose. Suddenly, Terence asked me if I wanted to sing. I wanted to ‘coz I was starting to fee buzzed and I thought, hell, no one can hear us singing anyway.

So, as usual, I set up the Magic Sing and started choosing songs. My night’s favorite is “Shower me with Your Love” by Surface, and it felt like having my own concert (I was buzzed so I can imagine what I can imagine), and though I’m buzzed, I’m pretty sure I’m not off key and I sang the song beautifully because I was drawing emotions from somewhere.

Then the rounds went on, and it was my turn again. Funny ‘coz I usually find songs in the middle, but at that time, I chose to look at the first page. All the songs in that page were unfamiliar, except for one: Heart’s “Alone”. And then it occurred to me, no matter how many people show their support or assure their friendship to me, I still feel alone. Not even my family satisfies that loneliness. I’m happy at work, but in life, why did I choose to be alone anyway?

And the emotional snowball started rolling again…

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Cheesy mushy poem I saw somewhere in my Yahoo Briefcase… brings back memories. I was rapping while I was reading this thing aloud. Made me less depressed today, haha! (I should’ve put “Break it down!” at the end… hilarious!)

Disclaimer: Uber mushy, cheesy high school emo stuff coming right up!

Now I see her, now I don’t,

Forever leave, hope she won’t.

The Sir won’t let her leave the stage,

This girl I know since my young age.

I miss to hear her stories sob

While I do murmurs, wish for love.

It hurts the girl that life’s so tough,

It hurts me more, I’m not enough.

When looking back is causing pain,

And see her now with ropes of chain,

She fakes a smile, should please the crowd,

Should make them stand, applause… aloud.

If this is magic, I would not pray,

My dear fair damsel just fade away,

And if she does, then I will stay,

Until she looks at me someday.

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I’m pretty broke right now, and my debts are in ticking to the tune of 5 digits (pesos). I just wonder how I can survive this, but with my current work, hopefully I’ll get through all this till December. My Christmas won’t even be that “Merry”, if you know what I mean.

For the meantime, I’m planning on taking in cash advance, and hopefully my request would be granted as soon as possible. I’m planning on making my own company before I get to thirty, and another one, for my other passion, which is cooking.

You might be thinking this is way to early (and crazy) to plan things like this. I got them all planned starting this year, and I’m making all ways possible to grab that dream. I just take one step at a time, make sure I eat everyday and I have bus fare money everyday.

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I can’t seem to sleep. Is it because this is my first day of work? It’s been three years since I had my “first day”, and i feel so restless. I tried reviewing a few programming languages and technologies for the past few days (because I was focused on doing Objective-C and C for the past three years).

It’s like first day of school. I may have lost all my gadgets, but I bought myself new shoes, new clothes, I’m sporting a new hairdo, and also my own flat iron & ironing table. A bunch of butterflies in my tummy now, and my biggest worry as of the moment is if I could keep myself “alive” / awake for the next eighteen hours.

To say the least, I’m both excited and nervous, but everything will be better now, and I’m changing me for this job. I really wanna give my 200% on this.

As for my old colleagues, thank you for the wonderful experience and for the guidance, friendship, and pictures we shared together for the past two or three years. I’ll always keep in touch and if my calendar serves me right, I guess I’ll be meeting you guys soon for a birthday celebration.

Ciao and hope I could buy an apple later (to keep me awake).

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Not really a garage sale, but I have to sell a few stuff just to cover a few expenses.

Here are the items:

iPhone EDGE – PhP 13,000.00

• Open line
• With installed games
• With support from me
• Has a few scratches at the back, but still posh looking in front

Saturn External USB Drive with Hard Drive – Php 3000.00

• With Seagate Hard Drive Installed, 250GB
• Hard Drive still has warranty (6 months left, I guess)

Canon Powershot A450 – PhP 3,500.00

• With instruction manual
• With Rechargeable Batteries
• With Energizer charger included
• 1GB SD MMC Memory
• TV-out Jack

Will post these on eBay soon. If you’re interested, look for my email on the sidebar.

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I should’ve blogged about this last March, but anyway, better late than never.

Last March, Team Pikitchen went to Boracay for four days and three nights, and endured each other from all the food rantings, and the “expensive everything” there. Needless to say, I fell in love with Boracay’s famed white sand beaches. I was like a small boy playing in a big sandbox back then.

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OK, before anyone accuses me of being gay, I would like to explain what the title means. I had this team from UP Diliman, whom I shared my thesis with. If you’ve been reading my blog for a long time, you would know that that project was DEEERS 6, which is surprisingly still working and being used (wonder why it’s not being used university-wide). I asked them if I could have a copy of the thesis paper we used to make, just to boost myself with my old knowledge of J2EE. Back then, I was a rockstar of anything J2EE. Now, I dedicated my professional time to doing Mac.

Anyway, to my dear DEEERS-mates, whatever you wrote on that paper, I was really touched. I always see myself as the meek geek who just does small-time stuff and doesn’t do anything big, but you guys keep on making me realize my potential and are always there to give me support whenever any hardship comes my way.

I really miss hanging out with you, guys. I wish our dream of having our own software company will still become a reality. It doesn’t matter if we put it up together or not. We will make it big!

When will our next dine out be?

Technorati Tags: deeers

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Last August 13th, I made a post about my dear grandma, and though I had no comments from that post at all, I received feedback from my friends about it. So, now, I’m sharing one of my “lola” moments again.

Have you ever asked your granma if she were pregnant? Well, for starters, I wasn’t in high school neither in grade school when I asked this question. I remember asking when my younger brother, Jayson, was still in my mom’s womb. I was only 4 back then, and I had these little times sitting on our retail store’s “very” low bench just chatting with my granma while watching the leaves and trash burn from nearby. I kept asking my granma about being pregnant because it was still a mystery how my mom got that bloated and how come a baby got in her tummy, kicking like a “Bioman” character.

“I can’t be pregnant anymore,” she replied in Tagalog.

I was a bit confused so I asked her this question. “Why can’t you? You’re a woman right?” And then, the blurry memory started. I dunno if it’s because I didn’t understand a word she was saying, but I guess the discussion ended up with her telling me that a woman gets pregnant when she kisses a guy. I asked her again, being this unrelenting eldest grandson, “So granpa doesn’t kiss you anymore?” She replied with her signature giggle, the one that sounded like she was playing with her phlegm. “Pilyo kang bata ka! (You naughty little man!)”

I still didn’t get it. But anyway, life went on, my brother was born, and after a few years, my granma had this unforgettable scene in the house when she was chasing my granpa with a knife because she caught him with a girl. I think I was 6 or 7 back then. Of course at that point, even without mom telling me what happened, I knew granpa was not making granma his wife anymore, and we were screaming and yelling and wondering how to stop her (I can’t remember if my dad was still abroad or something). Somehow, we managed to calm her down.

Now that I’m a grown-up, I guess I understand her woes back then. Maybe granpa wasn’t kissing granma enough. (Of course that was metaphorical.)

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Note: It’s not my birthday (yet). It’s just the domain. Just in case you get the wrong idea.

Actually, I should’ve done this last November 2, or at least last weekend. The thing is, I was so busy that I can’t even click this shortcut and write stuff about the history of this blog. I had a roadblock when I tried conceptualizing how this article should be written, but the pressure with iTenna (our new baby) made us almost incapable of doing anything else other than coding (though I’m not complaining).

Infancy

Anyway, Jofell.com was born because of a sales talk from a good friend, AJ Batac. He told me, why not put up my own site, and I know he knew I wanted my own domain so badly. Besides, during that time (pre-Halloween), he showed me that my name’s domain is still available, reason enough for me to dive in and try having my own domain.

Deaths and Resurrections

The biggest problem I had on its first months was I only had the domain, but back then, I didn’t have the money to support web hosting. He then led me to a hosting solution, which is pretty expensive for me. I then asked people from my work if I could “squat” (meaning if I could co-host) from anyone of their servers. Fortunately I had Terence and Ross offering me hosting services for my site. Jofell.com went down twice for an average of 2 months just because I can’t find enough input (aka money) to host it. It was until last May that I availed a Dreamhost hosting plan, and promised never squat again on others’ servers (basically, if they go down, I go down too).

Things I Regret About Jofell.com

I really wanted to get at least a few pages of the old jofell.com (the one using Mambo as web application), especially my posts about the Gospel of Judas and “Ben and Demar.” It’s a shame that I can’t continue “Ben and Demar’s” story because I forgot the concept how they met, who the other characters were, and what should my next chapters be (it was drafted before jofell.com went down)?

Right now, I try my best to back up my blog at most once a week (yep, at most), so that I won’t whine and squeal about my data getting lost.

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I felt nostalgic just being there. I’m a tearjerky, but I composed myself not to be super sentimental about my visit.

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